


Recommended For You

by Odsbodkins



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-03
Updated: 2014-08-03
Packaged: 2018-02-11 15:17:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,520
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2073066
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Odsbodkins/pseuds/Odsbodkins
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>For a Texts From Last Night prompt, "I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now". Fluffy, angst-free smut.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Recommended For You

**Author's Note:**

> With thanks to [girl0nfire](http://archiveofourown.org/users/girl0nfire/pseuds/girl0nfire) for the beta.

Lazy days are rare and precious, and _not_ , according to Sam, to be wasted on housework. Sure, the house needed to be kept clean, laundry done, but that should be worked around other things. A genuine, full day off should not be wasted on chores.

So. A lazy day. Sam stretched out on the couch, and just lay there for a few moments, vaguely watching the play of light on Steve's shoulders as he stood at the sink. Then he reached out and picked up the laptop.

While they were out saving the world, there were still gaps of downtime, useless time where the crisis could break at any minute, but where you could still be sitting around for hours. Time where you couldn’t do anything important or interesting because you had to be ready to drop everything and go _now_. Sam had found that the best way to fill that time was trashy gay historical romance novels on his Kindle. Cheap, portable, and whenever he was disturbed he could give the person a filthy look like they were interrupting him reading some critical mission-related information, and not "Augustus breathed heavily as he eyed Quintus' rippling muscles outlined in the steam of the baths".

It had been a long time since he’d had a secure connection to browse, and there was only “The Laird’s Forbidden Lover” left unread on his Kindle, so he opened up Amazon.

And suddenly, butt plugs.

“Related to Items You've Viewed” - six butt plugs.

“More Items to Consider” - five butt plugs and some anal lube.

“Inspired by Your Browsing History” - lube, butt plug, butt plug with a tail, lube, book on anal sex, enema syringe.

This was not what should be there. What should have been there were a variety of book covers featuring one guy in some sort of period dress, and another guy with rippling muscles and his shirt off, or at the very least shirt open to the waist. Sam knew what he liked, and so did Amazon.

He checked that this was his account. Yes, still him.

He clicked on “Your Recommendations”. The books were almost what he expected, though there were a couple of titles on anal sex, which were new. But under that, there was a new section headed “Sex Toys”. Butt plugs in a variety of shapes, sizes and colors, with and without tails. Lube. Dildos.

He looked over the top of the laptop to where the prime suspect in all of this was puttering about the kitchen, dishtowel over one shoulder, looking _wholesome_.

And Steve _was_ wholesome. The sort of person who would go out of his way to help other people, the sort of person who genuinely believed in duty and honor.

But he was also the sort of person who genuinely believed in surprise post-mission blowjobs in storage closets.

“Steve?”

“Uhuh?”

Sam turned the laptop screen to face Steve, who squinted, then went, “Dammit, it was meant to be a surprise.”

“This is why you have your own account.”

“Well, you need to learn to logout of your account.”

“Oh no, you’re not blaming me for you not checking.” He paused. “If you didn’t pay attention, that means you ordered on my card.”

Steve gave a slightly sheepish smile and said, “Pay you back.”

“Amazon thinks I’m obsessed with butt plugs.”

“Amazon knows you’re obsessed with historical gay porn.”

He was going to have to give in and ask the obvious question eventually. “Why are you buying butt plugs from Amazon?”

“Cheaper.”

Well, that was one answer. Steve was, having grown up with almost nothing, a compulsive penny-pincher and bargain hunter, and therefore exactly the sort of person who would compare prices before buying sex toys.

Steve walked over and sat next to Sam on the couch, then leaned in and kissed him gently. “You mentioned being a little more adventurous-”

“I did? This was obviously not after your dumb ass did something life-threateningly stupid outside the house-”

“What you _said_ was that vanilla was great and vanilla with a Supersoldier who’s hung like a horse was even better, but you wanted some variety.”

Sam paused. “How drunk was I?”

“Very.”

“Witnesses?”

“Me. Natasha. Bucky.” Steve took a deep breath, “Six college girls, four British tourists, three Australian tourists, all of whom were drunk, and two NYPD officers, who weren’t.”

“They might not have heard.”

“One of the tourists said,” Steve cleared his throat, but fortunately for Sam didn’t attempt an accent, “‘Fucking hell mate, if you don’t want vanilla from Captain America, I’ll fucking have it.’”

“How did this not get on Twitter?”

“I think only the NYPD were sober enough to tweet, and I’m sure they have a code of conduct.”

“So basically Drunk Me put you up to this.”

“Drunk You _suggested_ this.” Steve grinned. “He has some good ideas, sometimes.”

Steve leaned over and clicked on the “Your Orders” link. There was a set of butt plugs, nothing fancy, a plain graduated set so you could start small and work your way up… uh, right the way up, that last plug looked… impressive, to say the least.

Sam quirked a smile. “So when are we going to get to try these out?”

“Whenever the cheapest shipping option brings them.”

“You can use more expensive shipping once in a while. I promise, nothing bad will happen.”

“Isn’t the expectation supposed to be half of the pleasure?”

“Half. As in, 50% less than if you actually had the thing.”

Steve took the laptop out of Sam’s hands and put it on the coffee table before kissing him deeply. “You sure? I kinda want to tell you what I’m gonna do with them.”

Sam let one hand stray into Steve’s hair, and the other one curl around his waist, under Steve’s t-shirt. “Little early for bedtime stories.”

“You like napping on the couch.”

“So tell me.”

Steve kissed him again, a lazy kiss for a lazy day, all gentle but insistent exploration. They parted slowly, Steve sucking gently at Sam’s lower lip before finally pulling away. “We’ll wait until we have a day off, nothing to do. I’ll go get showered while you’re asleep-”

“I’ll wake up-”

“Yeah, but you’ll go straight back to sleep again. So when I come back I can wake you up.”

Steve kissed him gently, then kissed under his ear, and kissed down his neck. Sam tilted his head to give Steve better access.

“No hickeys.”

Steve chuckled. “No hickeys.” He palmed Sam’s dick through his pants as he got to the junction between Steve’s neck and shoulder. “I’ll get back in bed with you. Kiss you under your ear to wake you up-”

“Just under the ear?”

Steve flicked his tongue out to lick at Sam’s neck. “For a start. Because you’re gonna pretend to still be asleep-”

“Damn lies-” Sam was cut off by Steve squeezing his dick, just the right sort of pressure, hard but not uncomfortable.

Steve chuckled, “So there’ll be tongue, and then teeth, until you admit that you’re awake.” Steve kissed him again. “And then I think I’ll suck you.”

Oh, Sam was _way_ too far gone for Steve that just Steve _mentioning_ sucking him off made his dick throb (and right now, Sam was _very_ grateful for lazy days meaning loose shorts).

“Generous of you.”

“Because I need your mind on the job for the next part.”

“Which is?”

“Using those plugs.” Steve looked up at him, and Sam could see how into this Steve was, and fuck, that was hot as _hell_. It also seemed to have temporarily short-circuited Steve’s brain, so Sam took the opportunity to rearrange them on the couch, flipping them so Steve was lying flat with Sam on top of him. They kissed, and Sam tried to work Steve’s sweatpants down without breaking the kiss. Except for the fact that, unfortunately, ‘hung like a horse’ pretty much stopped any subtle undressing once Steve was in any way interested in the proceedings.

Sam sat back on his heels, pointed at Steve’s pants, and said, “Off.”

Steve grinned. “Yessir.”

Steve shucked his pants, and his shirt, and Sam did the same. They kissed slowly, grinding against each other lazily, until Sam drew back and said, “You were telling me what we were going to do when our package arrives… probably in two month’s time on the back of a lame donkey.”

“Three-legged donkey. Lame donkey was fifty cents extra.” Steve grinned and then swallowed thickly.

“Uh... I kinda want you to work through all the plugs. Open me up with your fingers, then put the smallest one in. See how it feels. Then open me up some more, and the next-”

Sam ground his dick against Steve’s, because _fuck_ yes, Steve on their bed, legs spread, dick leaking against his perfect abs, begging to get fucked was one of Sam’s _favorite_ things to think about. “Think those beginner plugs might be too small for you anyway.”

“Didn’t want to get too cocky.”

“Good thing that set goes all the way up, then.” Sam didn’t miss Steve’s shudder, “You think we’re gonna get all the way to the largest the first time?”

Steve grinned.

“Looking forward to finding out.”

Sam slid teasingly against Steve as he talked, “So... I’m gonna fuck you with those butt plugs, start with the small one until I think you’re loose as anything, then the next, and you’re not gonna be allowed to touch yourself,” now _that_ got a whimper from Steve, “until I think that’s as far as we want to go. Then what? How long are you going to keep it in?”

Steve groaned. “All day.”

Sam would deny completely and utterly that the noise he made was a whimper. It was a completely dignified noise. “And no touching yourself?”

“No.” Steve leant up to snatch another kiss. “I want to come when you fuck me.”

That was very nearly enough to send Sam over the edge right there and then. He stilled, got control of himself, and said, “And are you going to ask nicely for that?”

“Yes. But not right away. I want to see how long I can last.”

“Stubborn asshole like you, that could be a long time. Gonna do all your chores-”

Steve grinned, “Hard and wanting you to fuck me so bad I could scream but not giving in.”

“ _Damn._ ” There wasn’t much more he could say to that. He pulled one of Steve’s hands between them. “And when you do give in?”

Steve squeezed their dicks together, and _fuck_ , Sam was so damn close that was almost enough, but he was just as stubborn of an asshole, and he was getting to the _end_ of this damn story if it killed him.

“Then-” Steve gasped as Sam brought his own hand between them, added to the pressure around their dicks. “I’d be half-crazy with it, and I’d just say _please_ , and you’d pull my pants down and shove me against the wall or over the couch, pull out the plug and just fuck me, hard and fast-”

Steve’s hand was tight and sweat-slick around them and Steve’s dick was hot and silky against his and just the idea of Steve so desperate to be fucked he’d bend over the couch with his sweatpants around his knees-

Sam came, pushing into the tight circle of Steve’s hand. Steve made a low noise, and managed a few strokes at his own dick, before he was coming, too.

They lay there, contented for a few moments.

“That’s a promise then. When those things arrive, you’ll wear one all day.” said Sam.

“More of an ambition than a promise. Probably get carried away in the bedroom.”

“‘Cause that sounds _terrible_ , that we would be having _so much fun_ we’d have our orgasms in the bedroom rather than the living room.”

“You were the one who said-”

“ _Drunk Me_ said. That asshole spends all my money and gives me hangovers. And Amazon still thinks I’m obsessed with butt plugs.” A sudden thought occurred to him. “Hey, do you think Amazon is part of Hydra?”

“Could be. Whether it is or it isn’t, I’m sure that there are bad guys checking out everything we buy.”

“At least we’re keeping them interested.”

\---

_**Deep in a Hydra Underground Lair…** _

Kevin’s computer bleeped, and he suppressed a groan. That sound meant that an Avenger (or some ‘Avenger associate’) had made an online purchase.

Data analysis for Hydra wasn’t supposed to be like this. It was supposed to be regimented, advancing the cause of order in the world through rigorous analysis and number crunching (and well paid, with excellent medical and dental coverage). He was supposed to be doing math.

What he was actually doing was reading awful gay porn and wishing he was dead.

His superior had decided that deeply secret information was being communicated by the Avengers via online purchases, most specifically their books. The fact that only Rogers and Wilson bought books online seemed to have bypassed him. Since Kevin had found no pattern relating to author, title or anything on the surface, his superior had decided that the information must be within the books. Which he made Kevin read.

The weighty books on history and politics were dull but bearable. The historical gay porn on the other hand… He could mentally stick his fingers in his ears and go ‘lalalala’ every time the characters started fucking, but the writing was excruciating. He was never going to say a bad word about _Fifty Shades_ ever again.

And then the butt plugs happened.

He had gone and had a large coffee before telling his supervisor about the butt plugs. Visions of being told to buy a set and test them out had flashed in front of his eyes.

Instead his superior had leant over his desk and said, “You see? It’s developing. Soon we will have them where we want them!”

Kevin had decided that he really, really didn’t want to follow that train of thought anywhere, and had just said, “Yessir!”

“Continual detailed monitoring from now on.”

“Yessir! Hail Hydra!”

Everyone knew that Captain America was gay and dating Sam Wilson. He could now prove that two people who had stood up and declared that they were having sex were having slightly kinkier sex than might have been imagined. How exactly was that going to forward Hydra’s goals?

However, questioning the plan was not the Hydra thing to do.

He looked at his computer again. Ignoring it wasn’t going to make it go away. He clicked.

Captain America had just ordered from Amazon: a cock ring, a vibrating cock ring, an impressive sized dildo, two different things that called themselves ‘prostate stimulators’, anal beads and a bottle of lube.

He swallowed. He really, really didn’t want his superior getting any ideas about any of these.

Then he noticed that there was a gift message attached to the order. He clicked on it.

_“Dear Hydra Operative, We know you’re watching, and we don’t care. Yours with the intent of wiping out Hydra, Sam and Steve.”_


End file.
